Procrastination

I'm blogging when I should be writing. I did write tonight, for 2 hours. Then I got distracted and went online. That's what happens when the laptop you use to write in also has Internet access. I got four pages done, but they're really only half-pages in that I write some stuff as it should properly appear and then the rest is in note form, so I suppose it doesn't really count. I guess I should get back to writing. Although now I feel like making something to eat.

I have made up my mind that tomorrow I am going to walk downtown and pound the pavement to see if anyone is hiring. I've applied for too many jobs online that have never gotten back to me. I've decided to try the tea shop that came to town a year ago. It's really cute. They serve all kinds of tea, scones, and cookies. They even do a high tea with finger sandwiches. Now with tourist season in full swing, maybe they need more help. I'm also going to try the local independent bookstore. Last week I stopped in to inquire about job openings, but the manager wasn't in, although the bookseller who helped me gave me the manager's card and said I could email my resume to her. So I did. She emailed me back the next day and said that they currently have no openings but they'll keep my resume on file. Of course they all say that. But when I went to the store on Saturday for the bookreading (see previous post), the manager was in. I heard her talking to the really young girl who was also working there and who was obviously a new hire (given the trouble she was having with a customer's special request). The manager was saying something along the lines of "It would be great to keep you on, but you'd have to work every Friday, Saturday and Sunday," and "Of course it's a wonderful opportunity, you should take it." Could this be my big break? So soon? Is the New Girl already flaking out on her boss and quitting? Hire me instead. I'm like, twenty years older than this girl. I have no wonderful opportunities looming. I'm reliable, have previous retail experience, and am just jaded enough to realize that I no longer have the world at my feet. Give me a job that I enjoy and that I can do well, without deadlines or corporate bosses from hell. That's all I ask.

I used to write in my spare time before I moved from New York to Massachusetts. Even when I first moved to where I live now, I was still writing. Not selling anything, mind you, but that's beside the point. The fact that I was writing gave me something to be optimistic about. Like I was doing something. But when I started my most recent job, all that changed. I worked nine-hour days with an hour commute each way. The commute wasn't the problem. I used to commute 90 minutes each way when I worked in New York and I didn't mind it. But back then I was able to do a little writing in the evening after I ate dinner, and managed to go to bed at 11 pm, often treating myself to some television-watching time and stay up until midnight. At my most recent job, I got home at 7:30 and was in bed by 10 pm. I just couldn't stay up any later than that, I was so exhausted mentally and physically. So of course writing went out the window. That job killed my creativity. For two-and-a-half years, I wrote nothing at all. When I got fired, I threw myself back into writing, as well as reading for pleasure (another interest that I sacrificed) to give me something to do. If I can continue to read and write for pleasure, and have a job that I enjoy that's 10 minutes away by bus from my apartment, life would be perfect.

There, I've wasted another twenty minutes writing this post. I really should get back to writing. Or maybe I'll read instead. Although I am still hungry...